Well it’s the day after the big visit that never occurred. You would think that I would be more relaxed and at ease. The attorney is hard at work, M slipped  up and made her intentions plain to see, and the waiting game is over. Well, I’m not more relaxed! I was up until four am last night because my mind just wouldn’t shut down. The next “thing” coming was rolling through my mind over and over. It’s dumb because I have no idea what comes next. Trying to figure out what M has up her sleeve is impossible. There is no telling which direction she may go at any given moment. The only thing that is sure is that M will do anything she can to be able to “win” in her own eyes. No need to worry there, because there isn’t a damn thing that I can change or make different.

The next question rolling around is, what will the lawyer do? Again, it just doesn’t matter. I have come to trust and believe that my attorney is God sent. The woman truly understands and is a pitbull in the courtroom. The only thing I worry about is how much is this all going to cost me in the long run? It’s not that my lawyer is sooo expensive, but that things could go quickly or drag out indefinitely depending. So, why am I worrying about my lawyer? I trust she is doing what is best, and that she will wrap it up as quickly as possible. I really have nothing to worry about thus far. M is going to be M and my attorney is going to do her job well.

Honestly what was eating me last night was B. I know that last night was a big game for M. The fact that she took B to a location where I wasn’t after being informed that I wouldn’t be there and why, as well as where I could be found and why shows her intent. My worry is the effect of all this on B. My question is how much of this shit garbage is B buying into. Does my daughter actually believe that I cared so little as to not show up to see her? When I don’t know details of what is being said and done, I don’t have specific things to worry about. When I know exactly what is being done and said it really comes into focus and I worry a lot. I know B is intelligent and that she truly knows her father, but how much does she believe her mother’s lies?

That is the heart of all this, I am worried about my daughter and the effect all this is having on her. What does she believe and how long will it take to undo the damage being done? I just don’t know any of the answers there, so there is nothing I can do to combat it. I don’t even know at this point how long it will be before B even has the ability to see the truth of the situation. Until she sees the whole picture, she only has the side of things being presented to her. That “side” is obviously tainted and slanted to benefit M. The truth of the matter is that B has and is already making decisions to believe what M is spewing. If B wasn’t choosing to believe the lies then we wouldn’t be where we are now. The track record doesn’t bode well for her future decision making abilities.

All I want is for my daughter to be healthy and happy. Right now I know for a fact that B isn’t happy. How could the child be healthy with all the emotional and psychological warfare going on?

 

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Comments
  1. Carmen says:

    My prayers have been and will continue to be that God would guard her heart and mind and give her beyond-her-years wisdom in this situation. Praying for peace and rest for you also!

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