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Well, I spoke to my attorney and the motion for contempt should be filed today. M’s attorney, bless his heart, wants new wording in the custody agreement because he was to inept to recognize the agreement was not to his client’s liking. So I should have a court date this week or next and I’m sure there will be some type of motion made from M’s side to amend the custody order. From here I feel that a no mercy approach is in order. I plan to nail M to the wall at every chance possible. We have tried to imagine what her next move will be or what the next drama will be, but when dealing with someone that isn’t mature or stable it is rather difficult. We have had the foresight to recognize that things may become outlandish. If that is the case, it’s fine and we’ll deal with it. Honestly the weirder it gets the better for my relationship with B. It can only go so far before B looks around and says ” what the hell, really?”

So at the moment we are waiting and hoping for swift movement on the part of the court. We also have found a group on FB about PA. It has been a great resource and has help me not to feel so alone in this. I don’t think that the court will move quickly, and I don’t think M will abide by any order unless forced. To be truthful I think M may even go so far as to play the martyr so that I can be blamed and look bad in B’s eyes. I don’t put it past her to attempt to absorb financial punishment or even a night or two in a cell. It’s really strange to think that M is that far removed from reality and so deep into her “game” playing mode. If the past is any indicator the truth is that we should expect the most extreme and strangest behavior possible.

So I am sitting here waiting to see what will happen to force this into a counselor’s office, where it all should have been years ago. I pretty much know based on her behavior how M is reacting. What I don’t know is how B is, or is going to react. I have no idea of what the outcome will be. I keep hoping that my hopes are correct and that the Lord will bless B with the “ah ha” moment where the light switch just goes on. The truth of the matter is that there has been a lot of time that has passed and that it is much more likely to take a long period of time to heal and regroup emotionally. B has been subjected to what many consider child abuse by emotional manipulation. I tend to agree and that is a serious thing. Abuse of any kind is difficult to heal from and sometimes it is a long road to what most would consider a normal emotional place. So as a father I have no idea what to expect, and truly just want that relationship with B back in any healthy form. I’m not sure what is left of the relationship we had or if it can be restored. Will it be something new and completely different? A lot of time has now passed and I just don’t know what to expect.

As far as I am concerned there is nothing to forgive B for. She is a victim in this and although she has made decisions of her own, those decisions were made while under the emotional control of an unhealthy adult. There are no feelings that I need to resolve with B, I just want to be able to be a father again. I just want to see those moments that only happen once. The look on her face when her team wins a game, the smile when she gets off the phone with her latest boyfriend, those moments. I feel like I have lost so many of them over the last year and a half. So, no I am in no way angry with B. M on the other hand, is another issue altogether. Yep, I am mad as hell that she is so sick and manipulative as to use a child as a pawn in a sick game of her own making. That is something I have to work on. Not vomiting on her from disgust while in her presence is going to be a challenge. Unfortunately I will have to be in the same space as her and hopefully one day co-parent B with her. That is going to be rather interesting.

One of the biggest mistakes in the treatment of PAS is that many counselors concentrate solely on the child. Not the child’s relationship with the non preferred parent and not the relationship between the parents. The relationship with the child has to be healed and the relationship between the parents must be healed. Without that healing the cycle will just continue indefinitely. The truth of the matter is that the child isn’t the issue, the parent or parents are. The parents need counseling as much or more than the children. It’s the alienating parent that has caused the damage and the other parent that has dealt with the damage, and the child has been hurt and damaged from the actions of the parents. The whole family unit has been effected and needs to be healed. That includes step parents, and siblings as well as grand parents etc. The animosity has to stop and be healed or it all just continues.

So here I sit waiting. I’m waiting on the court to do it’s job. I’m waiting to see how B will react when counseling starts. I’m waiting to see how weird and wild M will get before this all is resolved. I’m waiting to see how difficult it will be to forgive and move past all the hurt and anger. I’m waiting and ready for it to all be resolved and done. I’m waiting to once again be a father to my child.

All the waiting is just killing me!

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